The Sacramento Zoo - A Yelp Review

Dear Dada,

I really enjoyed the extra time I got to have with you over Christmas break. Yesterday was no exception! Given that the experience was somewhat varied, I thought I ought to do a proper run-down of what I enjoyed and what should be improved.

Here's my yelp review for The Sacramento Zoo.














The zoo is mostly entertaining. However, for a few reasons I think I would recommend outings to either a farm or hardware store.

They had a good amount of screws and bolts to feel, slobber on and examine for those with the knack. I even spotted a four-wheeler! However there was a striking dearth of power tools and hammers for proper utilization of said mechanical wonders and hence I found myself wishing I was at Ace Hardware or Lowes multiple times throughout the day.

My biggest gripe (**spoiler alert for those babies who have yet to visit this place**) was that they had no doggies.

I thought with so many people and strollers and children there would surely be a few I could attempt to lick on the tongue admire. None. Zilch.

Back to some positives.

There were plenty of nice teething bars at just the right level for gnawing. In some places they made you climb up steps to get to the best wooden ones but it was definitely worth the climb. I'd recommend wooden posts anywhere in the park except for the ones near a place called the "giraffes". There were entirely too many people jostling around there. I'm not exactly sure why. Perhaps the fencing there is made of some rare wood?

You do have to be patient with the older children and adults if you decide to visit with them. They seem to enjoy peering past each perfectly good teething pole into various cages and tanks. Perhaps they were looking for a bigger object to teethe on? Potentially they felt perpetually lost? I tried gazing at a couple of nice flowers but they were sadly beyond my reach for sampling.

One highlight would have to be the park tucked away in the far back. Just when I thought I was possibly going to run out of saliva and that I'd had my full of chewing bark, wooden posts and small rocks (didn't think I would ever get to that point of desperation) I beheld. a. slide.

I'd call the park the oasis of the whole place. The double slide allows you to race other friends and there were plenty of holes in the play structure base for poking your finger into.

Oh by the way, on the way out I heard my older bro talking about how there were some interesting animals there. Strange I know. Animals? At the zoo?

Where?? I for one didn't notice a single one. Except for a silly lion and spotted cat on the way out that looked somehow so familiar...

In short, I give the zoo 3 stars but would definitely choose the hardware store or even a local park over it any day.

In fact I prefer going on runs with you too so long as we see plenty of doggies!

Love you Daddy!
Joshua

New Suede Crocs

Dear Dada,

Technically I've been yearning for this moment of freedom for months now. Up to this point however, I just wasn't sure if I could really do it. Additionally I do love my Mommy a lot and being separated more than a few inches from her, well...

I think you know how that makes me feel.

Today was the big day though.

After a wonderful jaunt through the neighborhood with the Haynam boys...

And a quick seismic evaluation of the earthquake readiness of the posts in Village Homes...

Followed by me giving up my solid food strike in favor of some delicious pears and cheese...

Resulted in the perfect lead up for some independent walking. (Turns out you can also hold your own hand if Mom is too busy to accompany you while you accomplish your to-do list.)


Daniel, thrilled with my new bravery, decided it was also high time we put on matching crocs and dance to that familiar tune "blue suede shoes crocs". Mom tried to snap a preview but I am simply too eager to perfect my moves to show you when you get home for such sentimentality!

Beaming,
Joshua

TBT (Throw-back Thursday)

Dear Dada,

Although I still share a Facebook profile with Mama I thought I should still keep up with the trends and post a TBT picture for everyone to admire.

Wasn't I SO cute!

Aside from becoming mobile, learning how to say Mama, Dada and "nana" (Daniel), and gaining 15 pounds I have also learned a few things since that cheery summer afternoon.

1. For some reason people have always complained that I am too squishy and huge when trying to hold me. I have learned to just take it as a compliment.

2. Shadow boxing while posing for photos, while making you appear more manly and tough, makes the picture less likely to get framed.

2. When Mom tells Daniel to hug me really tight I should count on just not breathing until he then nearly drops me.

In short, photo shoots can be quite dangerous!

Love you!
Joshua

Dr. Dan

Dear Dada,

I am going to keep this brief as my fever, sniffles and general lethargy have overtaken my ability to accomplish much today. (Aside from cuddling with Mommy. I seem to have just enough energy for that any time of day or night).

Thankfully in addition to the helpful care from my Pediatrician, Dr. Dan has been on call all day to help distract me soothe my every ache and pain.

The kleenex provided a fascinating study in shredding, distasteful snacking and general hilarity while the stickers really did improve my overall attire well being.

The biggest home-remedy Dr. Dan provided today though (aside from finally crash landing into his own naptime so that I could rest) was a lively re-telling of the classic story.

Corduroy.


I'll leave it at that for today!

Love,
Josh-sniffle-y

To-Do List

Dear Dada,

I have a pretty exciting Friday Update to share with you. I'll try to keep the announcement concise:



Did that sound like a stanza that belongs in the poem "Jabberwocky"? Let me try to break it down in a more intelligible way.

Since I have mastered the following technique:


...and this life-saving move:



....combined with walking sprees and happy dances such as the following:




I've been able to totally re-do my to-do list to better prioritize according to my newfound mobility!

1. Show proper alphabet appreciation.
I love the magnetic letter "R" on our fridge. It's just iRResistible. I don't know how else to put it. (Well except in my mouth when Mom's not watching).

2. Try my upmost, on a daily basis to attempt to safely stash said letter in the potty. 

Why you may ask? Well, no one else will even think of trying to eat it after I put it there and I can have it all to myself for future snacking urges.

3. When foiled in my attempt to accomplish item #2 I re-rout to my back up plan of stashing the letter in the bathtub.

4. Re-arrange bookcases.

5. Practice my arpeggios on the piano.

 6. Time permitting, call that Nigerian prince back whose messages Mom so quickly deletes with such little sympathy. I don't have any money to wire him but maybe if he had his own alphabet magnet to play with he would stop bothering us...

Love you Dada! Hope you're getting your to-do list accomplished and see you soon.

Love,
Joshy

chriStmaS lightS

Dear Dada,

This month I must confess I have developed quite an obsession. You could call it an enjoyment of an experience so sublime it must join my list of top ten best things one could enjoy in LIFE.

(Of course nothing could top flashing a big smile at you each morning Dada. Don't worry that's still tied with nursing for #1...)

Are you ready for the big reveal?

They're these amazing inventions called ChriStmaS lightS. To properly capture the mind boggling aesthetic wonder encapsulated in the two words you must emphasize the "s's".

Oh, and of course hunting them down and marveling at the myriad of colors just wouldn't be quite so marvelous without my chauffeur and best friend, big bro Dan.

Now that Daniel can wheel me around in my sleek umbrella stroller we have been pounding the pavement at greater velocities than ever before in our search for the spine tingling sight of Christmas Lights.



Daniel is quite the pro at trespassing and trampling graciously locating the lights in the yards we pass by on our walks much to my delight and applause.



Sometimes it just elicits an emotion too deep to even express in baby jibberish words. In such moments a facepalm is all I can muster.



Hopefully you can go on a ChriStmaS light tour with us soon Dada!

Love,
Joshy

This Girl Named Lily

Dear Dada,

There's something I've been meaning to tell you for some time.

I know I promised to love you and Mommy the most until I got older.

Buuuuut Daniel and I have been conferring and alongside our dear Ama, Bapa, Grandma Trish, Grandpa Craig, Aunt Toni... and a few others there is someone we realized we already love a lot.

Like, we prefer to play in her room with her toys any day over the options at home.

As in, she can make us bashfully smile when we thought we would be so sad separated from Mom.

And, it's pretty hard to not like someone who giggles along with you while you sing duets with their Daddy!



So I suppose I should revise my earlier ultimatum about you and Mom going on dates without me... so long as Daniel and I get to play at Cousin Lily's house feel free to leave us anytime!

Love,
Joshy

PS I should include a special shout out to Cousin Sam for sharing his smoothie with me that night. I'm sure the extra drool I added in the process helped build his immune system.

It takes a Village (Sometimes)

Dear Dada,

It might sound cliche, liberal and possible glib for me to say it but after enduring a fiasco of a haircut today I must concur...

Sometimes it just takes a village.

I was trying to be so good and concentrate while strapped into a high chair, as the garbage truck thundered by, Daniel yelled in deafening tones encouragingly and Mrs. Julia documented my every facial twitch with a camera.

But it's really hard to be in the limelight.

And sometimes you just need Mommy...even if she's the perpetrator trying to attack your locks with a curiously annoying buzzer.

In the end the buzzer won thanks to help from all of the above parties plus the key addition of Mr. Trevor.

Do you think I look far more grown up and manly now? Maybe I could pass for a two or even three-year-old!

Overall I approve of the look, even if my multiple chins are a bit more visible.

Newly shorn,
Mr. Joshua

Conversations with Teddy

Dear Dada,

Sometimes Daniel tires of directing all his conversation and remarks to Mommy and I and instead attempts to pontificate to dear old Teddy about life and timeless lessons.

This afternoon was one such exceptional time and I couldn't help but eavesdrop on the lessons Daniel chose to impart.

"Let's say thank you. THANK YOU God for those eyes on my turkey!"

"Teddy, you were with me inside my Mommy's tummy when you were born!"

"You cannot talk! Don't worry about it, I'm a good speak [sic]."

"Teddy, I will keep you my whole life."

"You are my sister."

That last conversation did get me thinking. Are all sisters fluffy, brown and mute? The ones I've met at COOP seem quite different.

Mommy said "we'll have to see" when I asked if we'd ever have a sister like the COOP ones someday.

Do you know?

Love,
Joshy

Lost Iphones

Dear Dada,

Mommy lost her Iphone.

I guess maybe we should have noticed there were less pictures snapped, ringtones played, tractor and firefly youtube videos queried and fewer pages colored on that fun app she lets Daniel play sometimes.

We DID notice there have been many more trips back to the Ranch to look for said phone that have been quite nice.

It started to sink in today on the way home from our last attempt to unearth the device that something was amiss.

"Where IS your phone Mama?" Daniel finally asked.

Can we never face time our long-lost friend Elisha ever again? How does one check e-mail if not by phone? What about the selfies? Will we have to draw them with crayons? Does this mean we have to send a telegram to invite a friend to play? Can we play with matches if we're just trying to send you a smoke signal to see if you're headed home from work yet?

Daniel and I have so many pressing questions.

Thankfully Ama brought her phone with us to the Ranch today so we could document our every movement for posterity.

There were free tractor rides, horses, muddy puddles, three legged dogs, barns, pebbles for throwing, dead animals hung in every room in the house... I could go on and on.

We even helped with Operation Iphone Resurrection by perching from one of the four-wheelers to gain a better view.

Basically the grass is just greener out there!

After some deep consideration we think it's actually advantageous to lose iphones if the location is this picturesque. Think we could chuck yours out into a field, bury it in mud and run over it with the tractor so we could keep going out there to look for it?

Scheming,
Joshua

Green Your Parent

Dear Dada,

Living in Davis it's hard to not get swept up in the current of environmental awareness and efforts to save the planet from its impending melt-down. (Or is it freeze down?... now that they've changed the issue to "climate change" instead of "global warming" it is much more difficult to envision just what apocalypse awaits those who fail to recycle their soda cans).

In my effort to fit in I have chosen my own special "green" effort to not waste unnecessary paper products. It's code name: Green Your Parent.

All the other babies in nursery seem quite enthused with the idea!

I refined my basic approach by breaking it down into easy, manageable steps for my peers:

1. Refuse to let your parent wipe you with any form of tissue, toilet paper or anything else specifically intended for snot removal.

Instead, use your parent's pant leg, sweater sleeve or even wool jacket. Reusable, washable (or preferably dry-clean-only materials) is the name of the game!

"I hope all of Mommy's students notice the festive slime shine I added to her wardrobe today!"

2. Try to soil your diaper irreparably at times away from home when your parent has forgotten to bring any diaper with them. (If they were up with you multiple times in the night because of aforementioned cold symptoms this is likely to occur the following day).

 "Hmm we're 25 minutes from home and the diaper bag is sitting in my closet. Let's have a blow out!"

Enjoy the ride home in the car sans diaper - al natural! Smile or make "impending-bowel-movement" faces at your parent in the rearview mirror if you like fast rides.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?!"

3. When your diaper is full at night try to nurse or drink extra liquid so that you can use your clothing, the crib and your parents' sheets as an alternative absorption options.

When your Mom looks a little grumpy about the entire load of laundry one such session can produce deftly explain that, as with most green efforts, it doesn't matter if it actually takes more energy to clean reusable materials than it would have to manufacture a diaper.

It's all about buzzwords and pie-in-the-sky ideas.

4. Lastly, speaking of pie, do make an effort to smear clothing with all food products offered and those scavenged from the ground. (Yes I know that sounds like puppy behavior).

Dislike your dinner? Don't waste a barf bag! Dad's work shirt is a highly preferable option. (True story) Again, see notes on dry-clean-only materials as preferable.

You can deal with comments regarding laundry by re-reading step 3.

I know you will understand my efforts to make our home and special family members more green!

'Tis the season :)

Love,
Joshy