Survival Skills 101

Dear Dada,

I realize I have written about this topic before.  But survival inside a house through a highly proficient vocabulary and slick maneuvering around a highly energetic and unpredictable older brother and conquering the wild outdoors are two wildly different ball games.

I mean, people take courses to know how to endure these types of terrains, withstand the elements, stay hydrated in the most arid of landscapes etc...

Today I took my "tough face" and headed out to prove to Mommy and Daniel that I'm ready to join my uncle on his next wilderness adventure.

We went far out - I thought I nearly wouldn't make it on foot -

Alllllll the way to Whaleback Park. (I'm not sure if it's technically a National Park but it's pretty rugged).

I made sure to wear my proper gear for about 10 second intervals before ripping it off each time my mom put it on me- a solid hat helps withstand damaging UV rays and makes you look and feel like a rough and tough guy.

Take a tip from the Red Kangaroo and go ahead and let the drool flow. It'll keep you cool.

When encountering rough terrain or play structures, always choose the most manageable route.

Lastly, hydration is everything. Lick any and all surfaces you can find and you're sure to glean some precious water droplets, sand and local bacteria.

In this type of urban jungle you might even pick up some trace amounts of peanut butter and jelly from the last troupe that played at that spot!

Over and out,
Rough-n-tough Joshie

Ride on a Firetruck? CHECK

Dear Dada,

Although Daniel and Elisha were the ones doing most of the driving and spraying but I BASICALLY RODE ON A FIRETRUCK TODAY!

Well almost.

Um, technically I touched the door and sat on the front bumper...

But that STILL counts right?

Perhaps it was because I started subtly hinting to Mommy that I really would like to visit the Fire Station by calling all trucks and large vehicles "Fire Kucks" or maybe we all looked a little flushed from sprinting the entire way to the Fire Station from our house.....

Whatever the reason, I am proud to announce that a member of our family has now helped a real fireman shoot the water out of his hose!

The plants were pretty appreciative.

Sooo next time I hear that song "I wanna ride on the fire truck" I'm just going to sing "CHECK!".

Also, if you ever have any wild fires, office emergencies or cats stuck in your tree I'm pretty sure the Trombly and Haynam boys can figure it out. We're practically fully trained now and we even have fire hats.

Proudly,
Joshua

A "Garbage Truck" 3rd Birthday Party

Dear Dada,

I think Daniel should celebrate his turning three all year long so long as that means we can host a garbage truck party every Saturday!

He did look pretty happy that day...

I never knew "trash" could be so fun or tasty!

Old shoe boxes and a "dumpster"? Great throwing fun with friends.

Drinking fountain while the others built trash towers out of my empty diaper boxes? Perfect place to practice drenching my entire outfit my synchronized hand swimming moves.

The greatest part of the party though was the cake. It was a great move on D's part to request a chocolate flavored garbage truck of course...

It brought the spirited crowd to temporary silence as they ate their portions with glee!

I, for one, was not to be outdone by Micah's ability to strategically locate all cake slices within his reach and consume them via full face plants... I attempted to get the most out of my confection as well.

With great seriousness, pursed lips and enthusiasm I managed to smear chocolate all over my body lick my plate clean.

After completing this complicated feat (recall, using proper cutlery is something I pride myself in!!), I simply couldn't understand why Grandpa Marc didn't want a warm embrace and kiss...

I even licked my spoon clean before running after him with a big chocolatey smile and he still wasn't convinced...

I hope his keeping me at arms length will be short lived... I need my scratchy kisses!

Was it something I said?

Confused,

Joshy

Mr. Manners

Dear Dada,

Although occasionally I do encounter pressure to eat in messy way or promising Pinterest ideas about how food can beautify one's hair, I generally like to keep things civilized at mealtime. I'm all about proper manners, using the right utensil and maintaining polite conversation while eating with others.

I think you may have noticed.

Today I tried to share with Daniel how to properly eat yogurt in front of others and I think I succeeded. I've put together a few pointers I think really ought to be included in the next edition of Miss Manners... perhaps we could call it Mr. Manners?


If you perchance spill the entire bowl of yogurt a few drips of your meal upon your tummy, try to ignore it and your guests will likely not notice either. I also advise against trying to rub it into your skin with your spoon - this has not worked well for me in the past.

If you notice you are lagging behind other guests at the table, I would suggest using two spoons to speed up your own food intake.

Be sure to put a full spoon of yogurt in your mouth. I have discovered ears, nose and hair routes are generally less successful in terms of nutrient absorption.

Delicately turn your spoon over once completed with your meal.

Are there any tips I left out?

Politely,
Joshua

#TBT - Homeland Security

From 2/19/13

Dear Dada,

I decided to finally give in to the repeated requests the White House and CIA have been making for my expertise. Not just anyone who can look so cute while accomplishing so much every day!

You see Mommy is letting me work on her old computer and I figured I had a little bit of free time to devote to my country. Today I began phase one of my top secret mission: removing the keys from my computer. I cannot tell you precisely why this is necessary for my mission because of security clearance issues but it will help disguise my work and allow me to type encrypted messages without even trying!

Furthermore I figured having the CIA and White House security as a reference on my resume wouldn't hurt either.


Clandestinely,
Daniel

Spa Days

Dear Dada,

Although Daniel and I typically ascribe to a more medieval approach to bathing (it protects against infection right?) occasionally Mom throws us in this all-too-small pool (think failed summer Olympics training).

All those snacks we strategically massaged into our hair? (Thanks Pinterest!!)

Gone. :(

Shockingly tan calves and forearms?

Scrubbed back to a more normal pink and white hue. :(

Grimey goatee-like peanut buttered attempts to emulate Dada and Bapa's scratchy beards?

Freshly shaven off. :(

You would howl too if you had to endure this process called "bathing".

After hearing a lot recently about not complaining about trials and tribulations I decided to start trying to look on the bright side of things... which brings me to my new outlook on bath time.

Treat it like a spa day!

A chance to relax, wash away the stresses of life, indulge in a few bubbles, soak our chubby weary limbs a warm and inviting atmosphere...


...Aaaaaaaaand attempt to kick/splash/shove as much water as humanly possible.

After a quick boat-to-scalp massage we called it a day.

Honestly, I feel so much more refreshed and revived! You should join us sometime!

Love,
Joshy

Trombly and Sons

Dear Dada,

Daniel and I have become quite the helpers lately.

So naturally we decided to launch our own business - Trombly and Sons. Since technically we're slightly underage we thought it would be best to cast our yard maintenance and home cleaning team as under your ownership. Don't worry though - we can handle all the work on our own!

We're still putting together a professional brochure but here's a sneak peak at the services we are planning to offer!!

---------------------------------

Trombly and Sons

Cleaning at its finest

Services:
Sweeping and Mopping (Professionally polished drool top coat optional)

Dusting

Lawn Cutting (Bubbles to improve aesthetic appeal for small additional charge)

Raking and Dirt Removal

Laundry Loading and Unloading (We can even do both at the same time with the same load!!)

Dish Licking Washer Loading

Prices Negotiable... We accept cash, check and Teddy Grahams.

Feel like your home or yard is pretty clean and you don't need our services? Invite us over for a playdate and then you will need our services! So don't hesitate; give us a call today!

---------------------------------

What do you think Dada? Can we start advertising?

Thanks,
Joshie the Worker-man

Those Hard Things

Dear Dada,

Daniel and I have been really into anatomy lessons recently. Sunshine days = nakey days in the backyard and extra splashing in the bathtub to rinse the dirt and sand caked onto our bodies from our strenuous labor as workermen building terrific towers, large ditches and even cookies (the choco-woodchip-sandy kind).

Daniel seems to always be one step ahead of me in the whole ask-questions-all-day-as-fast-as-possible area and thus it was he who queried Mommy first with the penetrating thought,

"What are these hard things on my arms?"

Though I seem to mostly have soft things on my arms, legs, midsection... I did realize that I too have a harder spot on the bottom of my feet and the top of my head so I leaned in for the answer:

"Muscles, dear"

This answer seemed to cause Daniel to have an irresistible urge to then bend his arms to "flex" and show me how big he was getting and how like a Dad he was becoming.


Next time we were outside I just tried to suck in my tummy a little.

That does take a lot of effort and muscles you know.

So I just have one final question... how do I get muscles? I am quite good at looking flabulous but you already knew that...Maybe if I would get super buff if I went vegetarian too?

Thanks in advance for your guy-advice,
Joshy

#TBT - A Mini Chef

From 3/7/13

Dear Daddy,

Given my history of food preferences and a highly picky refined palate I thought I should try my hand at cooking. I've heard food bloggers can make quite a bit of money and even land a TV show so I thought "What do I have to loose?!". Today was my first try and man was this a tricky cooking lesson to begin with. I'm sure it was rated "advanced" in the cookbook Mommy uses.

Are you ready for the recap?

I stirred granola.

First Mommy helped me but then, with precision and delicate skill I managed to accomplish the cooking step all. by. myself.

I'm pretty sure this was an "advanced rated" recipe... it was quite difficult.



I think perhaps tomorrow I will tackle Creme Brulee or Baked Alaska. We'll see.

Fonduely,


Daniel