A Visit to the Office

Dear Dada,

I love visiting you at your office!

Well pretty much always.

Usually.

Well I don't really enjoy it as much when I have skipped my morning nap and big bro Daniel is acting like he drank five cups of coffee and we're all trying to wait quietly in the lobby while you finish up your meeting.

I'm confident everyone else in your office loves it when we stampede in, commandeer the water cooler, yell "Is Dada done yet" every 15 seconds, and try to greet every co-worker at the top of our voice quietly stop by to say hello. Now that I think about it, Daniel really takes a broad interpretation of the word "quiet". In fact, despite his ability to maintain an ongoing monologue most of the day he really doesn't seem to even have the word "quiet"in his otherwise extensive vocabulary.

He does seem to understand the term "delicious bagel" which seemed synonymous with quiet for at least 1 minute or so. Sorry that the bagel we brought for you was half eaten by the time you came out of your meeting...

  


Anyhow. Today I tried to stay chill and relaxed in the lobby while you finished up your meeting. In an attempt to appear as though it were perfectly normal to find a 6 month old sitting on the waiting area's leather sofas, I started to browse through some business cards. In this day and age one must alwaysgaining new contacts.

I found them utterly fascinating and not that bad tasting either!

I then turned my attention to a complex problem not unlike that which perturbed Corduroy in his hunt for his missing button: the sofa had so many buttons, all of which seemed to be sewn down tight! I tried and tried to pick them up but alas to no avail! You may need to contact housekeeping about this one.

After a brief cardio session YOU FINALLY CAME! I thought the eternity of waiting for five minutes would never end!

It was then that we finally got to accomplish what we Daniel really came for. In addition to the main highlight of seeing you of course.

Water apparently just tastes five hundred times better from the water cooler in your office.

Thanks for the wonderful visit Dada! I'm already looking forward to next time! Maybe I'll try to nap beforehand so I can attempt to keep up with Daniel.

Love,
Joshua

Lifestyle Choices

Dear Dada,

I'm often asked in nursery by other young folk how I've managed to achieve such an impressive physique in just under six months of existence.

Exhibit A

By this I can only assume some babies have noticed my impressive flabs abs.

I try to explain it's not just a 30 day diet but more about total lifestyle choices. 

I think the following footage will help explain my winning exercise and meal choices that have served me so well thus far. Really, anyone can follow my success plan by implementing the following into their routine and drinking roughly double their body weight in milk daily a moderate liquid diet.

Pushups:

Hand-to-Bookshelf Clapping

Couch Stomps

Baby Burpees

It's so incentivizing if you have a friend in the mirror to challenge you with a burpee competition. Anyone else have a special friend who lives in your bathroom? Mine is especially handsome.

Now if you'll excuse me; there's some milk calling my name.

Love,

Big J

PS I seriously should get in contact with Dr. Oz. I think I could monetize this body sculpting program.